Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
