Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
