Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
