Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
