how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
