She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
