I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
