Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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