I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
