life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
