I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
