my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I could make wine with my vomit
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
