the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
