I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
