the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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