I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
