me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
