She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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