I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
