you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
