I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
