he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
