Is it normal to miss your booty call?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
