I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
