you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
