then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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