My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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