is your mom at the bar?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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