He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
