Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
