I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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