I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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