If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
