They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
