this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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