K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
