The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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