SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
