i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
