i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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