got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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