I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
