Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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