My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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