I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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