The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
