apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
