I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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