I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
