I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
