i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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