saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
