I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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